Still a Benchwarmer

So, I guess it's been a while, and I should probably update my dear readers (Reader? Really, I have no idea if I'm just sending this stuff out to cyberspace, and not really reaching an audience... Anyhoo, I digress).

Last time, I commented on me becoming a man.

Yes.

Well... I'm still not a man yet.

Still very much a male though.

But you know, rather than telling you all about my exploits with the Brunette, how we had a wonderful time, laughing, sharing, etc... I think I need to blog about something else. Something different.

I'm still struggling with Porn.

I thought that perhaps, with my new vision... new GOAL of getting laid, I would automatically stop feeling the need for porn. But that's not really happening.

In all actuality, I'm feeling more and more drawn to porn. To watch it, to fantasize.

Every now and again, I'll stare at other classmates in the lecture hall, wondering what they're day-dreaming about. Are they as perverted as me?

I really have no idea how to express what's inside of me right now. One part of me is dragging me along, wanting to feel good again and again in front of the computer screen late at night.

The other side of me is quietly begging me to stop doing this, to give it all up.

I pray to God (I AM a Christian, afterall), but how am I supposed to find help in something that I can't even feel? At least every time I jack it, I can feel something... and anything is better than nothing......