Weasel

I think one of the biggest problems I have with making promises is that I tend to weasel out of them somehow. They were never really any big promises... just small bits.

What does that have to do with my usual postings?

I think I don't want to go through with my earlier "promise" to my readers (or... reader). Yes, I think that brunette is hot, and YES, I would like to do it with her.

But...

I'm really wondering what my chances are. And where do I go from there? After I have sex with her, what happens? Do we start going out, etc? Do I start a relationship with her? And really, is sex just sex? Is it just so that we can feel awesome (as I've been told...)?

Who can I turn to for help about my sexual frustrations? Who out there can help me?
Maybe I can try and see what those "SexGod" people have to say. Maybe they'll have something that can help me out. Worst case scenario, I find a group of weird Super-Christians, who tell me that Jesus loves me, and that I should stop doing it. Not that I don't already know.




A little off topic, but I want to ask AsePanic, "What do you think it is to be a man then?" "What do you know about the pain?"

Still a Benchwarmer

So, I guess it's been a while, and I should probably update my dear readers (Reader? Really, I have no idea if I'm just sending this stuff out to cyberspace, and not really reaching an audience... Anyhoo, I digress).

Last time, I commented on me becoming a man.

Yes.

Well... I'm still not a man yet.

Still very much a male though.

But you know, rather than telling you all about my exploits with the Brunette, how we had a wonderful time, laughing, sharing, etc... I think I need to blog about something else. Something different.

I'm still struggling with Porn.

I thought that perhaps, with my new vision... new GOAL of getting laid, I would automatically stop feeling the need for porn. But that's not really happening.

In all actuality, I'm feeling more and more drawn to porn. To watch it, to fantasize.

Every now and again, I'll stare at other classmates in the lecture hall, wondering what they're day-dreaming about. Are they as perverted as me?

I really have no idea how to express what's inside of me right now. One part of me is dragging me along, wanting to feel good again and again in front of the computer screen late at night.

The other side of me is quietly begging me to stop doing this, to give it all up.

I pray to God (I AM a Christian, afterall), but how am I supposed to find help in something that I can't even feel? At least every time I jack it, I can feel something... and anything is better than nothing......

Wow... I gotta take up Baseball...

I just took a bit of time to de-stress myself from midterms and papers... too much for humans to handle.
Oh, how I long for the days before Profs could harass us through the internet with WebCT and Vista... too much for me to do. I just finished one thing, and another assignment gets posted up....

Anyhoo... so after my little de-stress activity, I decided to take a look at my blog again, and see what I've written so far.

Hmm... Not a lot.

Seems like I'm only making myself seem like a whiny pervert who can't go out and get some, so has to scream about it online. Seriously, if this blog weren't written by me, I'd tell the blogger to go and grow a set of balls.

But it's me.

So...

I've decided to try and do something about it.

I'm going to see if I can ask the Brunette out, and perhaps get a little action. 1st Base, 2nd Base, 3rd Base, Homerun... it's all good.

Time for me to become a MAN!

Life...

As I was listening to the prof drone on and on today about Asian Literature and its effect on modern day society, my eyes started to glaze over, and focused on the images reflected on my computer screen.

To left was the aisle for the lecture hall, and three seats over to my right, 2 rows back were a couple.

I don't think I've ever seen either of them in the lectures, but is it really that surprising that people will sneak into "empty" lecture halls to... well... do their thing, I suppose.

I wish I could be part of a relationship where a girl would just accept me.

But I don't think that'll ever happen. If I can't even begin to accept myself, how can I expect another human being to accept me?

I know it's kinda cliche, but am I really looking for intimacy and love during my late-night porno-sessions?

Wonders

I was just thinking as I lay in my bed, tossing and turning 'cause of the guilt.

"I wonder how many guys in my church also look at porn secretly at night?"

"I wonder how many of the masturbate to the porn?"

"I wonder how many of them feel guilty..."

"I wonder if anyone out there's thinking the same stuff as I am after the dirty deed is done?"

I wonder...

I wonder...

I wonder...

crash

You know what happens when you get pressure to hand in a paper on a topic you have no idea about, and it's due in 6 hours?

Yeah... it cracked me.

At 2, I just had to do it. I HAD to watch another movie to keep me going.

Seriously, I'm stressing out, and that was the only thing which helped.

God, I'm so incredibly disgusting.

I hate myself.

I hate myself for putting up a front of a good kid, but hiding this skeleton in my closet for so long...

No more for Michael!

Yeah! Go me!

Feeling so awesome right now!

Maybe I have a chance with the Brunette… her name’s Amy… or Amanda… or… A-something…

Very hot though.

BTW, I forgot to update about this, but at Clubs Day, the Sex Guys were back... Turns out they're actually some Christian Club... go figure